


Once Upon a Lifetime

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-09-10
Updated: 2000-09-10
Packaged: 2018-11-10 06:18:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11121600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Ray tries to break an old habit





	Once Upon a Lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Once Upon a Lifetime

## Once Upon a Lifetime

by Alison

Author's notes: Hi. I know I said I'd be back, but I just didn't know it would be so soon! 

There's a lot of h/c and angst in this one, so if it's not your thing, steer clear. 

I managed to cause a bit of confusion with this when I posted it the first time, so I'm sorry about that. There will be a follow up at some point in the near future. 

Hope you enjoy it.

* * *

"Friendship needs no words. It is solace delivered from the anguish of loneliness." 

**ONCE UPON A LIFETIME**

Ray opened the door to the apartment and hesitated in the doorway, almost scenting the air like some kind of wild animal. He was late and that could spell trouble. 

As if the thought of trouble had conjured him up, Harry came around the corner of the small kitchen, the scowl on his face making Ray's heart sink. He knew better than to show any fear. 

"Hey," he said. "Sorry I'm late. Working, y'know?" 

"Sure I know," answered Harry. "How did it go? Solve any hideous crimes?" 

Ray forced himself to laugh and moved into the apartment, closing the door. 

"Nah, nothing hideous," he answered, brushing past Harry so that he could get into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water, opening it and downing half of it. The sudden rush of air behind him gave him warning, but not enough. Not nearly enough. 

"Jeez, Harry!" he said as he was slammed hard into the door of the fridge. "Come on! I didn't do anything!" 

"How about lying, Ray?" said Harry calmly, tightening his grip around the back of Ray's neck. "How about lying to me? You weren't at the precinct because I called. I called all evening. And do you know what that stupid bimbo told me? 'Oh he's out with Constable Fraser,'" Harry shook Ray like he was some kind of puppy. "You were out with the fucking Mountie, weren't you?" 

Ray's heart was pounding hard. Jesus, Jesus... 

"Harry, it was work, he's my partner. You know that," Ray managed to gasp out. To his relief Harry let go of him and he was able to turn around so that his back was to the fridge. It was Harry's size that had first attracted Ray to him, almost a year ago; he was tall and broad, and after the delicacy of Stella this bulk had seemed new and exciting, and for a little while it had been. That was before Harry had started using his fists. 

"Yeah, I know," said Harry. "Just your partner." Harry leaned into Ray, using his superior weight to hold him prisoner against the fridge door. "But you sure spend a lot of time with him. Come home sometimes, okay? Or at least don't fucking lie, you got it?" 

"Yeah Harry, I got it," said Ray, breathing a little easier as Harry shifted his weight. 

He should have been prepared; it happened often enough. But he wasn't, and Harry's fist driving into his stomach doubled him over, causing him to vomit up the water he had just drunk. 

"God you're disgusting," Harry growled, pulling Ray upright by his hair. "You can clean that up later." 

"I'll do it now," Ray gasped, trying to pull away from Harry's grasp. Not wanting what he knew would come next. "Lemme go, Harry. I'll do it now." 

"I said later. Why don't you ever listen to me?" said Harry, pulling Ray towards the bedroom. "Come on. You've got some apologising to do." 

Once in the bedroom Ray knew better than to fight. If he fought it only hurt more. He had learned how to vanish into himself, how to cut himself off from the pain and humiliation of what Harry did, and Harry didn't seem to either notice or care. As long as he had Ray's body to use and hurt he seemed satisfied. 

* * *

Benton Fraser sat at his desk, unable to sleep. His meal out with his new partner had been entertaining; Ray was an amusing companion, happy to share his stories of being undercover on various assignments. The two men were still learning about each other; it had been less than three weeks since Fraser had returned to find a stranger pretending to be his friend Ray Vecchio. But in that short time this new Ray had wormed his way under Fraser's defences, a bundle of nervous energy determined to make this cover work. 

Diefenbaker sighed loudly and looked fixedly at the door. If his human was awake why didn't he at least have the sense to go for a nice long walk? Because he was human, that's why. 

"No Dief, we have to go to bed," said Fraser. "We're meeting Ray for breakfast, remember? We really should get some sleep." 

But Fraser didn't move. He was beginning to realise something about this Ray. This Ray had gotten under his defences in more ways than one. For the first time since Victoria, Fraser was in danger of falling in love. But Ray had someone, he had been quite open and up front about that. He had someone called Harry. But Harry didn't make Ray happy, Fraser could see that. He didn't know Ray well enough yet to ask why but he hoped that one day he would be able to. This nervous bundle of energy deserved to be happy and selfishly Fraser believed he could be the one to do just that. 

Sighing, he shook his head and stood up. Diefenbaker stood up too, looking hopefully at the door. 

"Actually Dief you may be right," he said. "A walk may be just what we need." 

* * *

As usual, when it was over, Harry fell asleep almost immediately, leaving Ray bruised and bleeding, hardly daring to move in case Harry woke again and wanted seconds. Gradually, carefully, he eased himself out of bed and made his slow and painful way to the bathroom. He didn't look in the mirror, from long experience he knew that he wouldn't like what he saw there. Instead he turned the shower on as hot as he could stand it and eased himself down to the floor, letting the water wash away some of the ache. Pulling his knees up he rested his head against them and held on to the new thing that helped him get through this. For long enough it had been baseball, then movies, then his favourite books. Now it was Fraser. Fraser, who was so far out of his reach that Ray could hold on to him like some kind of icon. Fraser who was so clean and perfect that if he knew anything about this he would look at Ray with utter revulsion and walk away. And then Ray would lose the best thing he had ever had, even if it wasn't really his to lose. 

He stretched out his legs and began to take inventory of the damage. His chest and belly were bruised and bitten, as were his thighs and hips. His wrists were red and chafed from the cuffs, but at least this time they weren't bleeding. He might be able to hide the evidence tomorrow. Harry never damaged him where it would be seen and questions asked, but sometimes, when he was being particularly cruel, Ray's wrists were marked. 

As always at this point, Ray wondered how he had gotten himself in so deep with this man that he couldn't see a way out. Sure, it was all he deserved. He had treated Stella so badly she had left him so it was only right that he should be punished in the same way. But never, in all their years together, had he so much as pushed Stella. It seemed like forever since those days; since he had made love to her, gently and passionately. Or even since Harry had treated him like he was someone special; someone worth caring for. 

The water in the shower began to run cold, so Ray climbed stiffly to his feet and shut it off. He stepped out of the shower and wrapped himself in the biggest towel he could find then made his way back into the bedroom. He had to go back eventually. 

Harry was awake. 

"Why does it take you so fucking long to shower?" he demanded, not moving. "Get in here." 

"Just had a shower Harry," said Ray. "I'm still all wet." 

"'I'm still all wet,'" Harry mimicked cruelly. "Ray, you're useless scum and you know that, but at least we know one thing you're good at, right?" 

"Right Harry," said Ray softly, dropping the towel and pushing the blankets back. He knew that he wasn't getting back into bed to sleep. 

Completely without ceremony, Harry grabbed a handful of wet hair and pulled Ray to him, kissing him hard and deep. There was no tenderness, only possession. 

"Useless scum," he said again, then pushed Ray's head down. Ray didn't fight; he knew what was expected of him and at least while he was sucking Harry's cock he was safe; it's not as if Harry would do anything to him then. 

* * *

Fraser and Diefenbaker were waiting outside the Consulate when Ray pulled up in the pool car which was all he was allowed since killing the Riv. 

"Good morning Ray," said Fraser, letting Dief climb into the back seat before settling himself next to Ray. 

"Hey Fraser," said Ray. He sounded tired and Fraser turned to look at him properly. 

"Are you all right Ray?" asked Fraser, concerned. Ray looked washed out and pale and he was sitting very still in the seat, as if something was hurting him. 

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" asked Ray. "You ready for breakfast?" 

Dief yelped from the back seat and Fraser turned to glare. Ray took the opportunity to shift in his seat, trying to ease his aching and bruised muscles. He'd forgotten that trying to fool the Last of the Mohicans here wouldn't be easy. But fooling people was what he did for a living so he should just get on with it. 

"The coffee shop?" asked Fraser as he twisted back round in his seat, and Ray nodded. It was becoming something of a habit for the two of them to have breakfast in a small shop Ray had found totally by accident. It was out of the way, not a cop in sight and the coffee was good enough to put a smile on Ray's face for the rest of the day. 

Climbing out of the car wasn't easy, not if Ray wanted to pretend nothing was wrong, but he waited until Fraser was fussing with Dief before he tried it, and with a muffled grunt and a kind of half lunge he managed to get himself to his feet before Fraser noticed. 

Unfortunately as he was sliding into his seat in the booth he leaned forward at the wrong moment and caught his bruised side on the edge of the table. It was as if someone had stuck a knife into his ribs and he actually stopped moving or breathing while he waited for the pain to subside. He finally managed to move again, sitting down opposite Fraser who was looking at him, polite concern etched into his face. 

"Ray? Ray are you okay?" 

"Oh yeah Fraser, I'm fine," said Ray a little breathlessly. "Just got a sore spot there y'know?" 

"Why is it sore?" asked Fraser. "Have you hurt yourself somehow?" 

"Nah. You know, a sore spot when you just catch something at the wrong angle. Nothing wrong." Ray eased himself a little further back in his seat, forcing himself to smile at Fraser. He had a feeling it was more like a grimace but Fraser didn't push it. He rested his hands against the edge of the table, trying to ease the pain, still trying to hide his discomfort. He noticed Fraser's eyes rest on his hands and following the Mountie's sharp glance he noticed that the sleeves of his jacket had ridden up to expose his bruised wrists. He moved his hands again, but it was too late. 

"Ray! What happened to you?" demanded Fraser. 

"Nothing," answered Ray. "Just a bit of ... y'know ... fun," 

"Fun.... You let Harry do this?" 

Ray almost smiled. //Like I had a choice!// 

"Yeah Fraser, I let Harry do this. Gets a bit rough sometimes. No biggie, okay?" 

"And your ribs? You let Harry do that too?" said Fraser. "Ray, you can hardly move. I refuse to believe that you * let * anybody do this to you." 

"Fraser, you don't know me, okay?" hissed Ray, leaning forward and trying to ignore his bruises. "You don't know what I like, what Harry likes. Just leave it." 

Fraser scowled but didn't say anything. Diefenbaker, realising that his new packmate was in trouble with the alpha, rested his head consolingly on Ray's lap. Gingerly Ray reached down and scratched the wolf behind the ears. 

After a moment's silence, Ray sighed. 

"I'm sorry Fraser," he said. "It's just ... well y'know ... it's a bit personal, and I don't really want other people knowing what we do, okay?" 

"As you wish," answered Fraser somewhat stiffly. "Everybody deserves to be happy and I just hope you are." 

Ray looked up quickly, then back down at Dief's head. He didn't respond. It hadn't been a question, so it didn't need an answer. 

* 

They sat in the booth for half an hour, both trying to think of neutral topics to talk about, but after the weather and the dcor had been discussed, followed by the problem of the never ending search for a really good cup of bark tea, there was really nothing left to speak about without heading back into dangerous territory. 

"So I guess I'd better get you to work," said Ray, pushing Dief's head off his lap and reaching into his pocket for some money. 

Throwing the bills on the table he stood up and this time couldn't stop the cry of pain as his muscles protested the sudden movement. 

"Ray!" Fraser was round the table in a heartbeat. "Ray, what is it? What's wrong?" 

Ray took a deep breath and forced himself to stand upright. 

"Nothing, I told you. Just leave it Fraser, okay?" he snapped. 

But Fraser wouldn't, not this time. 

"No Ray, there's something wrong with you. Do you need a doctor?" 

"God, no!" said Ray. "I hate doctors. Honestly I'm fine Fraser. I'm just a bit sore." 

To Ray's stunned disbelief, Fraser reached out and got hold of the hem of Ray's t-shirt, pulling it up to expose the bruises spread across his belly. 

"Jesus!" Ray took a step back. "I can't believe you did that. What the fuck are you on?" 

"Ray, did Harry do this?" asked Fraser, low and angry. He closed the space between them until he was standing almost nose to nose with Ray. "Did he do this to you?" 

"No! Yes ... no. Just leave it Fraser, please," said Ray. "Come on, we have to go." 

Fraser reached out and grabbed Ray's wrist, deliberately pressing on the marks there. 

"This wasn't a game, was it?" he asked. "He did this to you on purpose." 

"Could you two take this outside?" The couple in the next booth were looking decidedly unimpressed. "Whatever you do to each other in your spare time is your right, but you don't have to inflict it on the rest of us." 

Ray pulled out of Fraser's grip and headed for the door. Barely stopping to mutter an apology Fraser took off after Ray, catching him at the car. 

"Ray, I'm sorry!" he said. "But he did this to you didn't he?" 

"What if he did?" snapped Ray. "It's none of your fucking business Fraser, okay? You can't stop it," Ray abruptly stopped speaking as if he regretted what he had just said. "Come on, you'll be late." 

* 

The drive to the Consulate was completed in total silence. Once there, Ray parked the car and waited, but when Fraser showed no sign of getting out, he couldn't stand it any longer. 

"Look, even if it was Harry, it doesn't matter," he said. "I'm okay with it, so why shouldn't you be?" 

He heard Fraser take a deep breath and closed his eyes. Shit. There was a lecture coming up of really incredible length. 

"I'm not okay with it, as you say," began Fraser. "How could you expect me to be? How can you let someone hurt you like that? Hurt you so that you can barely move for days afterwards? Yes, I've seen you before trying to hide the pain, and I let it go. Stupid of me, but there we are." He shifted in his seat so that he was half turned to Ray and studied the other man carefully. 

Ray was a beautiful man. He was motion and light and energy, and Fraser was drawn to that, he wanted it. But today he was also pain and anger, and before he really knew what he was doing Fraser reached out and ran his hand down Ray's arm, letting his hand cover the marks on Ray's wrist, but gently this time. He felt Ray quiver under his touch. 

"I want to help," he said quietly. 

"Don't Fraser, please," said Ray. "I can't ... You don't wanna help somebody like me." 

Ray moved slowly until he was facing Fraser. 

"I'm fine," he said. "Well, I'll be fine in a little while." He shifted his arm under Fraser's grasp until he could turn his hand and quickly grab Fraser's hand, squeezing it. 

Fraser reached out with his free hand and pushed Ray's t-shirt up again, exposing more of the bruising and this time Ray didn't fight it. 

"At least let me take care of this for you," Fraser said softly. "Infection may set in ..." 

Ray laughed under his breath. 

"Okay," he said. "Thanks." 

* 

When Fraser tugged Ray's jacket off, Ray very nearly bolted for the door. He couldn't do this, he just couldn't. Fraser would know what a loser he was, would see him for the scum he was and he would lose this good thing he had found. 

"Would you take your shirt off please Ray," Fraser's voice startled him out of his thoughts and he took a deep breath. 

"I don't think it's that bad really Fraser," he said. "And I've really gotta get to work y'know?" 

"Ray..." Even in their short acquaintance Ray had come to recognise that tone of voice, and sighing he gave in, pulling his t-shirt off. He stood with it bundled against his chest, shoulders hunched, trying to hide. Fraser reached out and took the shirt, putting it on the chair along with Ray's jacket. 

"Ray ...," Fraser said again but in a completely different voice. 

"Just fix it Fraser, that's what you wanted to do," said Ray flatly. 

Some of the bruises were old, already faded to yellow, but on top of them were new ones, black and purple. Fraser mentally catalogued them, noticing that a lot of the marks on Ray's arms were fingerprints. Somebody with big hands had held him too tightly. 

"Arnica for the bruises," he said as calmly as he could, turning to rummage through his medical supplies. "For the bites, I think a little witch hazel would be in order." 

"Whatever," answered Ray. 

Gently, Fraser began to spread the gel over Ray's torso. There didn't seem to be an inch of skin which hadn't been somehow hurt and marked. 

"So does he always hurt you where the damage won't be seen?" asked Fraser as he walked around Ray and began to work on the slender, bruised back. 

"Most of the time," answered Ray. "He slips up sometimes, but y'know, that's okay." 

"Why does he do it?" Fraser straightened and reached out, resting a gentle hand on Ray's back. "Why would he want to hurt you?" 

"It's not as if I don't deserve it," said Ray. "If I wasn't such a fuckup it wouldn't happen. You finished?" 

Fraser removed his hand from Ray's back. 

"Yes," he said. "The gel will hopefully ease some of the stiffness out of your muscles, so at least it will be easier for you to move around." 

"Thanks Frase, you're a good guy." Ray bent down to pick up his t-shirt, sucking in a breath. Fraser quickly bent down and retrieved it, handing it to Ray, who nodded his thanks, pulling it on over his head. 

"Ray..." Fraser paused, not sure how to say what he felt. "If you ... if you need a friend, you'll come to me won't you?" 

"Fraser, you're not my friend. You and me, we're just pretending, remember?" Ray smiled to try and take some of the hurt out of his statement. "It's a real shame. Some other time I think you and me could have had a chance. We're both on the same page here aren't we?" 

"I want to be your friend Ray. I don't want you to just look at me as another assignment. I want ..." 

"It's okay, I know what you want," answered Ray. "And it'd be nice to give it to you, but I can't risk it, if you get my drift." Ray put his hand on Fraser's arm, rubbing the serge softly. "You're a nice guy, but I can't." 

"I don't understand any of this," said Fraser, letting a little of his frustration show. "Why do you let it happen?" He put his hand over Ray's and stilled the movement of the hand on his arm. For a long moment they looked at each other, then Fraser moved his hand and put it on Ray's naked arm. Ray made a sound in his throat; half gasp, half laugh and took a step towards Fraser before suddenly stepping back. 

"No you don't understand Fraser. How could you?" Ray pulled away and walked to the window, looking out at nothing. There was silence for a long minute and then Ray spoke, so quietly that Fraser had difficulty hearing him. 

"I'm good at my job, Frase, damn good. But that's the problem. I'm good at undercover, at being other people. I borrow their lives, their friends and I wear them for a while then I give them back, more or less undamaged. I don't have anything of my own." 

"But your parents...?" asked Fraser hesitantly. 

"Oh I suppose they care, but I haven't seen them in years. Dad never approved of what I chose to do with my life." He paused and sighed. 

"I was married for a long time," he continued. "But she left me in the end. That's what I mean Fraser, in the end everybody leaves me, and I wanted something of my own. I got sick of being alone all the time. For the last few years, even though I was married, I was still alone, d'you understand?" 

Fraser shrugged slightly, not wanting to commit himself. It was only recently that loneliness had started to play a part in his life. He still wasn't ready to use that word to describe it. 

"So when Harry showed some interest in me I guess I jumped before I looked." Ray half turned and smiled at Fraser. "I just thought that I'd found somebody who knew * me *, who liked * me *, not whoever it was I was playing at the time. And for a while I was right, he was fun to be with, fun to come home to." 

"But why didn't you get out when he started doing these things to you?" asked Fraser, still at a loss as to why this bold, brave man should let himself be punished. 

"Because it's all I deserve," Ray said. "You have to understand that it doesn't happen all the time. We go for months sometimes and it's great, but then I just do something stupid. I bring it all on myself." 

"That's Harry speaking," said Fraser. "You know that's not true." 

"I think it is," answered Ray. "I couldn't make my marriage work, I couldn't even make my life my real life work. If I'd been able to do that I wouldn't have started working undercover. People who are good and kind and gentle leave me Fraser; there's something in me that drives them away and I guess that in the end you just take what you can get. It's better than being alone." 

//No! No it isn't, Ray. Being alone is better than being slowly destroyed.// 

"What about me?" Fraser asked. Ray shook his head. 

"You're not mine," he said. "I have to give you back with the job." 

He shook his head and straightened up. "I gotta get going. Thanks for the ... thanks." 

He walked over to the chair and picked up his jacket then looked at Fraser and shook his head again. 

"Would you like to go out for dinner tonight?" Fraser asked suddenly. "Please." 

"Don't you think that would be a stupid idea?" asked Ray. He seemed to think for a moment then he shrugged. 

"Tell you what, let's be really stupid. Harry's working tonight, so grab some Chinese and come over. We've still got some bonding to do." He winked as he said it and Fraser laughed suddenly. There was a spark to this Ray which had been lacking in the other; no matter how much he was knocked down, this one would always get back to his feet. 

"About 7.30?" asked Fraser. Ray nodded and opened the door. 

"See you," he said. "And Frase? Thanks. Really." 

* 

Ray sat in the car, resting his head against the steering wheel. Fraser didn't hate him, didn't think he was dirty. It looked like it was completely the opposite. 

He raised his head and looked at himself sternly in the mirror. 

"You can't have him," he told his reflection. "Don't be so fucking stupid. Harry finds out, you're dead." 

* * *

Fraser was sitting comfortably on the couch, regaling Ray with an Inuit tale of unlikely complexity and dubious origin, and Ray, sprawled on the floor, had found himself startled into laughter on several occasions as the normally serious Mountie really threw himself into the story, complete with actions. Fraser, for his part, relished this chance to see Ray with his guard down; the real Ray, he suspected. The one nobody saw anymore. He wanted to do nothing more than reach out and trace his fingers over those angular features, taste that long, elegant neck. 

The sound of the front door opening wiped all trace of amusement from Ray's face and Fraser saw him mouth the word, 'God' to himself. But it was his eyes which Fraser noticed. Suddenly they were totally expressionless. 

Fraser stood up and turned to face the unwelcome visitor. He was surprised by the man's bulk. Harry was well over 6ft tall and broad with it; he made Ray look very fragile. 

"Sir, a pleasure to meet you," said Fraser as politely as he could. "You are obviously Harry. Ray has told me a great deal about you." 

Harry ignored him totally, his eyes hostile as he looked at Ray. 

"You never told me he was a god, Ray," he said coldly. "You should have told me that." 

"Sir..." began Fraser again, trying to deflect some of that hostility onto himself. 

Harry turned to him, looking him up and down, insolent. 

"Get out Mountie," he said. "Me and Ray got some business to attend to." 

"Well I don't think I can do that," said Fraser, still trying to be reasonable. "You see I believe that you will hurt Ray and I ... well I just can't allow that." 

"And you'll stop me, will you?" asked Harry, barely suppressing a laugh. "Get out." 

"Please go, Fraser," said Ray quietly. He was still on the floor, although instead of his previous abandoned sprawl, he was now sitting upright, hugging his legs hard. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" 

Not taking his eyes from Harry's menacing form Fraser knelt in front of Ray. 

"You don't have to let this happen, Ray," he said. "You know that." 

"It'll be okay, Fraser. Please go." Ray looked at Fraser and his eyes were full of pain. He needed help but he didn't know how to ask for it. 

Fraser stood up, unwilling to leave. He turned again to face Harry. 

"You've conditioned this man until he feels that he's worthless," he said coldly. "But he's not worthless, and the day that he realises that is the day he will find the courage to leave you." 

"Oh and I suppose he'll come running to you, will he?" asked Harry, taking a step forward so that he was close enough to intimidate Fraser, who appeared unmoved. 

"Yes," he said simply. "When he's ready he knows where to come for help." 

He turned his back on Harry, simply dismissing him, and crouched down again in front of Ray. 

"I can't make you leave, can I?" Ray shook his head. 

"I can't," he said. "I just can't." 

Fraser nodded. "Then you know where I am when you need me." 

He put a gentle hand on the side of Ray's face, his heart aching as Ray pushed into the touch, responding to the simple act of tenderness, then he stood up and walked around Harry as if he didn't exist. 

He closed the apartment door and leaned his forehead against it. Part of him wanted to burst in and rescue Ray from this man, but that would be wrong; Ray had to find the courage to leave Harry voluntarily. If Fraser forced him then the pattern would just be repeated. Ray had to do this himself, but Fraser truly thought his heart would break as the first sounds, mercifully muffled by the apartment door, reached his ears. 

* * *

By 3am Fraser realised that sleep was completely out of the question. He and Diefenbaker were engaged in synchronised pacing when a pounding at the door suddenly shattered the quiet night. 

"Ray!" Fraser ran to the door, bare feet skidding slightly on the highly polished floor. He cursed in a most unseemly fashion as he struggled with the lock, but finally he managed to get the door open. A bleeding, bruised Ray Kowalski fell into his arms. 

"He's gonna fuckin' kill me, Fraser!" Ray gasped, his breathing painful and laboured. "You gotta help me." 

Propping Ray up, Fraser quickly closed and re-locked the Consulate door, then he led the other man into his office, pushing him into a chair and turning the lights on. 

Ray was a mess. He was wild eyed and breathing hard; he had obviously run most of the way from his apartment. His hand were wrapped around his stomach as if it was hurting him to breathe, and Fraser noticed that Harry had obviously lost his cool completely; Ray's face looked as if it had been used as a punch bag, one of his eyes almost closed and dried blood on his nose and mouth. 

Fraser walked past Ray towards the door of his office, but was stopped as Ray reached out with one hand and grabbed hold of Fraser's arm. 

"Where're you going?" he asked. "You can't go..." 

"I'm just going to the kitchen Ray. Would you like to come with me rather than stay in here?" 

"Yeah, that'd be good," answered Ray climbing to his feet, following Fraser into the brightly lit room. 

"What happened?" asked Fraser, going to the sink and soaking a cloth in warm water. 

Ray hitched himself onto the table, one hand supporting his ribs. 

"Well, Harry got mad," he said. "What do you think happened?" 

"Me? Was it because of me?" 

"No. It was coming anyway. It's been a while since he really lost it like that." 

Fraser turned from the sink and gestured at Ray who carefully took his jacket and shirt off. 

"But was I the reason he lost it?" asked Fraser, inspecting Ray's torso, not sure where to start. 

"You didn't help, okay? But don't blame yourself." 

"What are you going to do? Are you going to leave him now?" 

"How? How do I do that?" asked Ray, wincing as Fraser began to bathe the worst of the injuries. "He knows that I'll be back in a few days, same as usual. I know it too. Nothing changes." 

"Yes it does. Some things do change," Fraser kept his head down as he cleaned the cuts. "I'm here now." 

"No, no you're not," said Ray. "You can't be here." 

"Then why did you run to me?" Fraser finally lifted his head. "If I'm not allowed to be here, why did you think of me when you ran from him?" He put the cloth down and held Ray's face between his hands, studying those mercurial eyes. The slightest hint of rejection and he would back down. 

"Fraser..." began Ray, then stopped. 

"You know why, Ray. You know why you came here. The first day I met you I felt a spark of something inside me and it met something inside you. We're only fooling ourselves here if we deny it." 

Ray looked irresolute, a little lost, but he didn't break eye contact. 

"You're way too good for me," he finally said. "I told you that good people leave me." 

"Maybe I'm not as good as you think I am, then," answered Fraser, leaning closer so that he could feel the heat coming off Ray. 

Ray tilted his head slightly, still trapped in the prison of Fraser's hands. He leaned forward and very softly their lips touched. Ray tasted of blood and sweat and Fraser thought he could get drunk on that taste. With a groan, he slid his hands into Ray's hair and pulled him closer. 

Ray grunted and pushed Fraser away, pulling his head free. 

"Oh god, I'm sorry Ray!" exclaimed Fraser. "I didn't mean it..." 

"No, it was nice, don't be stupid," answered Ray. "It's just; well I think you've made me bleed again." 

Ray was right. There was fresh blood dripping down his chin and Fraser quickly assumed his professional attitude, cleaning the cuts and scrapes as best he could. 

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" he asked finally and Ray shook his head. 

"Nah, I really don't Frase. He lost his temper and he's a big guy. Please don't push it." 

"As you wish," answered Fraser, gently cleaning Ray's face, wiping away as much of the encrusted blood as he could. 

"Do you know the best cure for a black eye, Ray?" he asked conversationally, trying to lighten the atmosphere somewhat. 

"Well I would think that ducking would be a good prevention, but I don't know about cures," answered Ray. 

"Leeches," said Fraser, ignoring the theatrical gagging noise Ray produced. "Unfortunately I seem to be fresh out of leeches." 

"Oh the tragedy," muttered Ray. 

Fraser smiled and put his arms around Ray, holding him loosely. After a moment Ray's tense body relaxed into the hold and he returned the hug. 

"This is nice," he said into the crook of Fraser's shoulder. "What's it for?" 

"It's for you," answered Fraser. "Because you're you. Because you've just run to me; because you've been hurt and you're still making smart remarks." 

Ray snorted indelicately and tightened his hold around Fraser's waist, his eyes starting to close. 

"Ray!" Ray sat upright looking around wildly. 

"What?" he said. "What've I done?" 

"Nothing. You were going to sleep and I don't think that's a good idea while you're sitting on my kitchen table." 

"Good point." Ray slid off said table and grabbed at Fraser as the room lurched around him. "Okay," he said. "I'm good. I gotta go back." 

"No you don't," said Fraser. "You could at least stay here tonight. If you go back now, he'll kill you. You said as much yourself." 

"And if I don't go back, he finds me and they'll be scraping me up off the sidewalk," answered Ray. 

"Please stay, just for tonight," begged Fraser and Ray's resolve began to waver. He was tired, he hurt, and this man this * good * man wanted him to stay. And he wanted to. He wanted to stay here and never see Harry again. 

"Okay," he said. "You're too good to me you know." 

"No I'm not," answered Fraser. "I'm not good enough." 

Shaking off the moment, Fraser pointed Ray towards the shower while he hurried to prepare the guest bedroom. 

* 

When Ray appeared in the doorway of the guest bedroom, a towel wrapped round his waist, Fraser had his emotions back under control. He knew that Ray was beginning to believe that he was cared for, and Fraser was determined to push home his advantage. Ray would not go back to Harry, not now that he had Ray on Canadian soil. 

"God!" He couldn't stop the exclamation as Ray hesitantly sat on the side of the bed. The lean body was one big bruise, and this time it wasn't only the marks of fingers standing out on the pale skin; Fraser could see boot marks; Ray had been kicked repeatedly on his back and ribs. He probably hadn't even made it up from the floor in time to defend himself. 

"Well I know I'm gorgeous, but you don't have to get religious on me," said Ray, smiling up at Fraser. 

"Sorry Ray. Get into bed and I'll go and make us a drink." 

"I'm all wet," said Ray, and Fraser didn't understand why he then flinched away and ducked his head. 

"Well stay there until you dry. I'll be back in a second," he said, reaching out to brush the damp hair back from Ray's forehead. Unable to stop himself he leaned down and dropped a light kiss on the top of Ray's head before leaving the room. 

Ray watched him go before standing up and drying himself off. Easing himself flat on the bed, he slipped under the cool sheets, groaning as he felt himself relax for the first time in what seemed like forever. It was funny how secure Fraser made him feel, but it had been like this since the first day they had met. Be nice to keep him. 

He must have dozed off because the next thing he knew the bed lurched and Diefenbaker landed next to him, grinning hugely. He gave Ray a long, loving lick and then settled down next to him. Ray rested a hand on the wolf's back and pulled the thick fur a little. 

"Be nice if that could be Fraser, lickin' me like that," he muttered. 

Fraser paused just outside the door, and smiled. 

* * *

"That was nice Frase, thanks," said Ray, putting his cup carefully back on the tray, not wanting to mark the nightstand. He slid down in bed, ignoring the bruises and pulled the sheets up to his neck looking, decided Fraser fondly, about 10. 

"How are you feeling now Ray?" he asked. "Do you think you could sleep now?" 

"Don't go," said Ray. "I mean... would you mind staying for a while?" He pushed at Dief until, with a grumble, the wolf climbed off the bed and huffed his way into the corner. "Would you stay here?" 

"Are you sure?" asked Fraser, already moving to the side of the bed which had just been vacated. 

"Yeah I'm sure," answered Ray. 

Fraser settled onto the bed next to Ray, who rolled over until he was nose to nose with him. 

"Hi," he said softly. 

"Hi yourself," said Fraser. "Okay?" 

Ray lifted his head up from the pillow and after a moment Fraser got the hint and slipped his arm underneath Ray's neck so that he could get even closer, resting his head on the cotton clad shoulder. 

They lay in silence for a little while and Fraser began to think that Ray had dropped off to sleep. He knew that he should go, but he didn't want to leave. He jumped slightly when Ray spoke. 

"I like this, Fraser. I like being here with you. You think I could get away from Harry?" 

"God yes, Ray!" Fraser exclaimed. "You know that I'd help you as much as I could. I know it's not going to be easy for you; you've got to put a lot of abuse behind you and move on, but I would help, you know that..." 

"Okay, Fraser, calm down!" Ray was laughing softly. He shifted so that he could reach up and kiss Fraser softly. "D'you wanna get in here with me? By the way, I just have to say that those longjohns are a truly remarkable ... thing." 

He pulled away and Fraser willingly slid into bed with Ray, gathering him back into his arms and kissing him more deeply this time. 

"So do we have a chance?" he asked when he released Ray, "Are you willing to take a risk on me?" 

"I don't think you'd be a risk," said Ray reaching up to run his hand down Fraser's arm. "It's more the baggage that you'd take on with me. I carry a lot with me, y'know?" 

"Well I'd like to find out about it all," said Fraser, lowering his head for another kiss. "I'm not so guilt free myself. Nobody in this world is pure, Ray." 

"But you do a pretty good impression," said Ray, nuzzling Fraser's throat. 

Fraser ran his hand softly down Ray's chest, trying to avoid the worst of the bruises. As the light grew stronger outside, the damage to Ray's body was beginning to be displayed and Fraser felt a streak of white hot, pure anger surge through him. 

Damping it down as best he could, he lowered his head and softly kissed Ray's shoulder, his other hand stroking softly down Ray's side, coming to rest on his hip. 

"Oh god Fraser, that feels ........ ," Ray groaned as Fraser's clever tongue worked its way down Ray's bruised chest, licking and tasting. "It's so good." 

"I want it to be good for you Ray," said Fraser, lifting his head so that he could look at Ray's face. "You've been treated badly and I want you to realise that it doesn't have to be like that. I don't want you to give me back, okay?" 

Ray nodded, not really understanding what Fraser was blithering on about. He didn't really care at that moment either. All he wanted was more of what Fraser was doing. To that end he tangled his fingers in Fraser's hair and pushed his head down a little lower. Fraser got the message and continued licking his way down Ray's battered body, pausing here and there to pay special attention to a particularly bruised area. Part of him was screaming with rage that Ray had let this happen to him, hadn't fought back, but another part of him remembered what he let Victoria do to him, and so he didn't say anything. He understood insecurity and the need to belong. 

Fraser nuzzled into Ray's belly, making them both laugh and Ray began to realise that this was what he had missed; loving and sex could be fun; it didn't have to hurt. He didn't have to dread going home. And if he could get away from Harry then Fraser might sometimes be waiting for him and they could spend the whole night like this. 

He was distracted from his thoughts as Fraser slid back up the bed to kiss him soundly. 

"You're not ready for this are you?" he said. "Not yet." 

"God, I'm sorry Fraser," said Ray. "It's not you, you know. If you want to ... " he waved his hand graphically, but Fraser caught it and kissed Ray's palm. 

"I understand Ray, and it doesn't matter. Now that we have an, erm, understanding, I can wait as long as it takes." 

"So you don't mind?" asked Ray. "That I'm not, you know..." 

"No, I don't mind," said Fraser. "I always like this part anyway." And with that he kissed Ray deeply before settling next to him to sleep. 

"It's nice to wake up with someone," he said softly. "So sleep, okay?" 

"'Kay. Night." 

"Goodnight Ray." 

* 

They were both startled awake as for the second time, a hammering shattered the early morning silence. 

"It'll be him," said Ray, sitting up in bed, and grimacing as his body reminded him just how battered it was. 

"Stay here Ray. I'll deal with him," said Fraser. 

"No," answered Ray. "It's my problem, I'll deal with him. I never meant to drag you into this." 

He pulled himself out of bed and reached for his clothes, before remembering that his jeans were in the bathroom while his t-shirt was in the kitchen. Oh this was gonna look * so * good. 

"Ray..." began Fraser. 

"No," said Ray again. "I'll deal." 

He made his slow and painful way to the bathroom and pulled on his jeans, then struggled down the stairs, feeling about a hundred years old. He thought about collecting his t-shirt, but then he mentally shrugged and instead went to open the heavy door. 

He had barely got it unlocked before it was pushed open so hard it banged against the wall and Harry barged in, taking in Ray's half dressed state and the Mountie, standing at the top of the stairs. 

"You little shit," he hissed at Ray. "You stay here all night fucking the Mountie?" 

"No Harry, I didn't," said Ray, cursing the quaver in his voice. "I had nowhere else to go. You were gonna kill me." 

"I don't do anything to you that you don't deserve," said Harry. "Now come on," He reached out and grabbed Ray's upper arm, pulling him towards the door, blinking in surprise when Ray resisted. 

"No! Get offa me," said Ray. "It's over Harry, it's finished. I'm not coming back with you." 

"Not ... What the fuck's that supposed to mean?" said Harry. "Of course you're coming back. You've gotta pay for this." 

Ray pulled himself free of Harry and stood in the hall. Fraser thought he looked very small next to Harry's bulk. 

"I'm not coming," Ray said again. "I want you out of the apartment today. I want my keys back." 

Faster than Fraser would have thought possible for such a big man, Harry's hand shot out, backhanding Ray, knocking him off balance. 

"Don't argue with me," Harry said. "You know what happens when you argue." 

Ray licked the fresh blood off his lip, but he shook his head. 

"No, I won't come back, not until you've gone," he said. "We're finished, you and me." 

Harry wasn't sure what to do. By this time Ray was usually on his knees doing exactly what he was told. Harry had never seen this Ray; the determined, stubborn side of him was something he never showed Harry. 

"This is your doing," Harry shouted, pointing to Fraser, who had moved down the top two stairs. "You fuck him and suddenly he thinks he's worth something." He turned back to Ray. "Well you're not," he said. "You're worthless. You're less than nothing." 

And then something snapped in Ray. He * was * worth something; Fraser had shown him that. If somebody like Fraser thought he was worth something then surely he at least had a chance. 

He drew back his right hand and punched Harry as hard as he could, knocking the big man flat on his ass. 

"I shoulda done that to you months ago," Ray said, ignoring the new pain in his hand. "It's all you deserve. Get out of the apartment and get out of my life. If I see you again I will make sure you go to prison for everything you've done to me. Now get out of here." 

And at the top of the stairs, Fraser mentally applauded. 

Harry scrambled to his feet, not sure what had happened. A bully whose bluff had been called by his victim. 

"Okay I'll go," he said. "But don't think for a second that this is over. You've only won this round. Don't think you're safe just because you've got a new * sensitive * boyfriend. A loser's a loser Ray, you should know that." 

With that he stormed out of the Consulate, and Ray took great pleasure in slamming the door as hard as he could. 

Then he turned round, wide eyed and looked up at Fraser. 

"What the * fuck * have I just done?" he said. 

"The right thing," answered Fraser, coming down the stairs. "You faced up to him Ray, and that was the right thing." 

"He's gonna fucking kill me," said Ray, turning towards the door. "I could probably still catch him, apologise to him..." 

"No Ray!" said Fraser, slipping between Ray and the door. "Don't do that. You've faced him. You've taken that first step." 

Ray was shaking from sheer adrenaline as Fraser pushed himself away from the door and hugged the other man. 

"Come on," he said. "It's Saturday, we don't have to be out of bed, and you need your sleep. If you like I'll come to the apartment with you later, make sure he's gone." 

Ray didn't speak, but he let Fraser lead him back into the bedroom and he climbed obediently into bed. As the adrenaline left his system all that it left in its wake was exhaustion. He didn't want to think about anything now; not Harry, not Fraser, not what the hell he was going to do. He just wanted to sleep. Maybe when he woke up the world would have ended and none of this would matter anymore. 

* 

Fraser was in the kitchen when Ray finally appeared, rumpled and grouchy, but seemingly calmer. 

"What time is it?" he asked, accepting the cup of coffee Fraser handed him. 

"It's 1.30. I thought you needed the sleep," replied Fraser. 

Ray grunted and sat at the table. He woke up slowly in direct proportion to the amount of coffee he drank, so Fraser made him another cup before sitting with him. 

"How are you feeling now?" he asked. 

"Okay," said Ray. "Better actually. Do you think he'll have gone when I go back to the apartment?" 

"Yes I do," answered Fraser. "Would you like me to come with you?" 

Ray shook his head. "Gotta do this on my own I think. You'll be here, right?" 

"Of course I will," said Fraser. "You're sure you want to do this by yourself?" 

"Yeah." Ray stood up, wincing and then stretched somewhat gingerly. "Is it okay if I take a shower before I go? I think I need to get this over with as quick as I can." 

"What about some food? You should eat," said Fraser. 

"Mother hen," said Ray affectionately, leaning over and kissing his cheek. "Food later. If I eat now we'll both be seeing it again real soon." 

"Very nicely put," said Fraser. 

* 

Half an hour later Ray stood at the front door of the Consulate trying to convince himself that Harry wouldn't be standing just outside waiting to pounce on him the minute he left the building. 

"Ray?" 

Ray turned at the sound of Fraser's voice and found himself pinned against the door. Before he had time to think Fraser's mouth was on his, kissing him, and Fraser's hands were on him, in his hair, stroking his face and his body. 

Responding automatically, Ray lifted his own hands, cupping Fraser's face, returning the kiss, then stroking his hands down the broad back, pulling Fraser closer. He could feel Fraser's erection straining against him, and slipping one hand between their bodies, Ray quickly unbuttoned and unzipped Fraser's jeans, until he was able to take hold of Fraser's hard cock. 

"Ray..." Fraser whispered it, "I'm sorry..." 

"Why sorry?" Ray whispered back. "Somebody like you needs me so much ... Let me, Frase. Just let me, okay?" 

One part of Fraser's mind was appalled at his lack of control, but another, more primal part, was screaming for release and he moved mindlessly against Ray, trying to bring that release. 

Ignoring the pain it caused him, Ray slid to his knees in front of Fraser. He suspected that Fraser had wanted to make their first time more romantic than a quickie against the door, but Ray was a realist, not a romantic, and he didn't care. It was Fraser. It was special. 

"Ray, you don't have to do that," gasped Fraser. 

"Maybe I want to, did you ever think of that?" answered Ray, leaning forward and taking Fraser's cock into his mouth. 

Fraser let out a most indelicate grunt as hips bucked forward, pushing his cock deep into Ray's throat, almost making him choke, but then they found a certain rhythm and Ray was able to relax. 

Fraser rested his head against the door, eyes open, watching Ray. It was one of the most beautiful sights he had ever seen and he wished he could last longer. But deprivation coupled with Ray's presence soon brought it to an end and Fraser cried out Ray's name as he came. 

As soon as he could find the strength, Fraser pulled Ray into his arms, kissing him hard and deep, tasting himself in Ray's mouth. Ray returned the kiss with interest, but then pulled away. 

"That was real nice," he said. "But I gotta go. I'll be back soon." 

"You're sure you don't need me there?" asked Fraser. "At least take Diefenbaker." 

"Okay, to please you I'll take the wolf. I'll be back as soon as I can. You just be here." 

* 

The ringing of the telephone caused Fraser to jump about a foot in the air. Foolishly grateful that Dief hadn't been there to see it, he picked it up. It was Ray. 

"Would you come over here please Fraser?" he said. "I need you here." 

"Are you all right? Is Harry there?" 

"Frase, if Harry was here I don't think I'd be in any state to pick the phone up, would I? No, he's gone, but I just... I just want you over here. Could you stay?" 

"Of course, Ray. I'll be there as soon as I can." 

"Okay. See you then." 

Fraser was left staring at the receiver as Ray hung up with no further explanation. 

Not wasting time analysing Ray's words, Fraser quickly checked the building, making sure it was secure, then headed for Ray's apartment. 

* 

When Fraser arrived the first thing he saw was Ray fixing new locks to the front door, Diefenbaker sitting by his feet. 

"Ray, is everything okay?" he asked. Ray looked up and smiled. He was sweating from the work but the smile was genuine and he looked more relaxed than Fraser had ever seen him. 

"Everything's fine," Ray answered. "Harry's gone and he's taken all his stuff. I've changed the sheets, I've cleaned. Can't do anything about the gouge marks though." 

"Gouge marks? Ray, what are you talking about?" 

Ray nodded towards the apartment. "Go see." 

He didn't move, so Fraser had to practically climb over him, which was a perfectly enjoyable experience for both men. Once in the apartment however, Fraser saw what Ray meant. 

Ray had told Harry to leave the keys to the apartment, and he had. He had also put them to good use, gouging great marks in every single piece of furniture. As Fraser wandered about the place he also realised that there were no plates or cups in the place. Harry had obviously smashed all of them. 

Ray came back into the apartment after testing the new locks. 

"See?" he said. "He wrecked everything. My cds were all over the floor, there was china everywhere, it was a real mess. He was grinning broadly. 

"Why are you smiling?" asked Fraser. 

"Because he's gone!" said Ray. He walked over to Fraser and hugged him hard, before pulling back and kissing him. "New locks so he can't get in. I can buy new stuff that he's never touched. It'll be like starting again. D'you wanna choose curtains?" 

"What?" asked Fraser, bemused. 

"Never mind. Don't matter," answered Ray. 

"Ray," said Fraser, deciding that he had to sound a note of caution. "You don't know where Harry is right now. Please be careful for a little while, okay?" 

"Course I'll be careful," said Ray. "But just today Fraser can we celebrate my new life? Once all these bruises have gone I won't ever have any more. Well except for where you bite me of course." 

"Ray!" Fraser felt himself blush and Ray laughed. It was the most delicious sound Fraser had ever heard. 

"Look Frase, it's Saturday afternoon and it's kind of nice outside. You wanna take the hound for a walk? We could go towards the lake, he likes it there." 

"Yes that would be very nice," answered Fraser. "But what about new utensils for your apartment? What about food?" 

"We'll stop and shop on the way back," said Ray breezily. "Are you sure you don't wanna pick curtains?" 

"Ray, I have no idea what you're talking about," said Fraser. "You're behaving very strangely." 

"So would you if you'd just gotten a reprieve from a life sentence," said Ray, suddenly serious again. "I feel ... different. Changed. Maybe not so worthless now." 

"You were never worthless Ray. You just believed the wrong people." 

"Come on," said Ray heading for the door. "Let's go choose curtains." 

"Ray!" 

* 

Fraser considered the afternoon to have been a success. Surreal, but a success. Diefenbaker enjoyed his walk, as did Ray and Fraser as they strolled along behind the wolf, not talking too much, but enjoying being with each other, and relishing the tension building between them. 

The surreal part of the day occurred when Ray took him to the nearest department store and he was able to witness the Kowalski Method of Shopping at first hand. With no thought to anything like taste or practicality as far as Fraser could see, Ray simply bought the first thing he saw. Which explained a lot. But they didn't choose curtains. 

Loaded down with their purchases they made their way back to the car. As they approached it Fraser saw a big man move quickly away, but since Ray was busy looking for his keys while trying not to drop the bags, he didn't mention it. He couldn't see any obvious damage to the car, so hopefully it had either been a total stranger or, if it had been Harry, he hadn't had enough time to do anything. 

"Frase, you're not weirded out by this are you?" asked Ray as they settled into the car. 

"In what way?" asked Fraser. 

"Well, y'know. I get sprung from Harry ... and then by the door in the Consulate ... and then we shop ... and * weirded * is what I mean." 

"No Ray, I'm not 'weirded'," answered Fraser. "I'm happy that you left him, and I'm happy about the ... by the door thing. Do you think we could go home?" 

Ray didn't say anything but Fraser would have thought it impossible for anybody's smile to be that wide. 

Diefenbaker growled from the back seat and as Fraser turned he again caught a glimpse of the big man he had seen earlier. It was Harry, there was no doubt in Fraser's mind. 

"What are you doing Fraser?" asked Ray. "Communing with the wolf in public?" 

"Something like that," answered Fraser. "Come on, let's go." 

"Very impatient all of a sudden. Like that." 

They didn't talk much on the way back to the apartment. Fraser was still considering the implications of Harry's presence while Ray's mind was occupied with the coming night. He wanted Fraser to enjoy it, and he would do his damnedest to make sure that he did, but all the time there would be Harry's ghost between them. He couldn't give Fraser a list of 'dos' and 'don'ts'. All he could hope is that if anything happened and he freaked, Fraser would understand. 

* 

Fraser rested against the kitchen counter watching Ray find a home for all his new purchases. There wasn't enough room in the kitchen for both of them to move around comfortably which is why Fraser had been relegated to the living room. 

As he watched Ray reached up to the top shelf with a handful of plates when the top one slipped, smashing on the kitchen floor. Ray quickly bent down to pick it up and Fraser came around to help him. 

He crouched down and was horrified when Ray ducked away, one hand coming up as if to ward off a blow. 

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean it. I'll clean it up." 

"Ray?" Fraser put his hand on the other man's arm but Ray pulled away so fast that he smacked into one of the cupboards. 

"It's okay," he said. "I'm doing it. I'm sorry." 

"Ray!" Fraser said it a bit louder this time and Ray stopped apologising. He stayed where he was, his head down, shoulders hunched. 

"Ray," said Fraser again, more softly this time. "I'm not going to hurt you. Why would you think that?" 

"No, I know you won't," said Ray. "I didn't mean it, I'm s... Well, I didn't mean to drop the stuff." 

Fraser reached out and put his hand under Ray's chin, forcing him to look up. His eyes were half closed as if he was flinching from something, and Fraser could feel him shaking. 

"Oh Ray, I would never hurt you. Did he even punish you when this happened?" 

"I guess not," answered Ray. "He didn't really need an excuse. It's just that ... you moved so fast and you were so close, I just thought .... I don't know what I thought. I'm sorry." 

Fraser leaned forward and although Ray pulled back there was nowhere for him to go. Fraser kissed him, soft and light, then moved away. 

"Okay now?" he said. 

Ray nodded and turned his attention back to the smashed crockery. 

//No, you're not okay, are you? God, why did this happen to you?// 

* 

After that, neither man spoke for a while. They fed themselves and Dief, and then settled on the couch to watch some television. 

Ray sat himself in one corner of the couch, feet pulled up, as far away from Fraser as he could get. 

"Ray, are you sure you're okay with this?" asked Fraser, watching as Ray curled into an even more defensive position. 

"I'm fine, Frase. I'm just such a fuckup that I don't know what to do now." 

Fraser slid along the couch until he was next to Ray, who uncoiled a bit as he began to realise that he really wasn't going to pay for the damage he had caused earlier. 

Gently Fraser put his hand on Ray's thigh and moved his thumb, rubbing Ray's leg through the thick material of his jeans. 

"You don't have to be nervous of me," said Fraser softly and Ray nodded. 

"I know," he said. "I didn't mean it. I'm not nervous, not really. I just ... I don't know." 

"You want me to stay?" asked Fraser. 

"God yes!" exclaimed Ray. "You try and leave you'll have me attached to your ankle as you walk down the street." He looked down at Fraser's hand and sighed quietly. "That feels so nice, don't stop." 

"Wasn't planning on stopping," said Fraser. "Could I do more?" 

Ray nodded and rested his head on the back of the couch, trying desperately to relax. This was Fraser. It wasn't Harry. He turned his head so that he could see Fraser, watching the expression of complete concentration on his face as he tried to decide what to do next. And it was that expression more than anything else which began to relax Ray. Fraser was trying so hard not to hurt him that under other circumstances it would have been funny. Only Fraser could bring the concentration of everyday life to sex. 

The room was very quiet, the television volume low. Just the rustle of fabric as Fraser kept moving his hand and the sound of Ray's breathing as it began to hitch in his chest. 

"Fraser...." he whispered, "It's all right, really. Do whatever you want." 

"I want you to want it as well," Fraser said. "In the Consulate today, you seemed ... ready for this. Now I don't know." 

"I am ready," he said. "God I want this want you. But we're not in the Consulate now, are we?" 

And Fraser understood. Ray was feeling vulnerable here, on the territory where Harry had hurt him so consistently Probably in all the time he had lived here, Ray had never felt truly relaxed in his own home. 

He moved his hand away and quickly kissing Ray, he stood up and walked to the door of the apartment, beckoning to Diefenbaker. 

"If you see anything, smell anything, come get me," he said. "Me. Not Ray." 

He watched in satisfaction as Dief settled down across the doorway. Ray looked at him and then up at Fraser. 

"He guarding us?" he asked. 

"Yes he is," said Fraser, deciding honesty was the best course of action. "You don't mind do you?" 

"'Course I don't," said Ray, getting up and putting his arms around Fraser. "It's nice to have people watching my ass." 

"Well it's worth watching," said Fraser. 

"Ooh, a joke!" Ray laughed and leaned forward, kissing Fraser lightly, teasingly. "Although it has to be said that I do have a spectacular ass." 

"Indeed," agreed Fraser. He reached down, taking hold of Ray's hand. "The doors are locked," he said. "Dief won't let anybody harm you. * I * won't let anybody harm you. Come to bed, please?" 

Ray looked down at their hands, fingers intertwined, then back up at Fraser's face, and he nodded. 

* 

"You okay?" murmured Fraser, kissing Ray lightly, first on his throat then down onto his shoulders and chest, trying to be gentle, trying to not catch the bruises. 

"Mmm," Ray said, deep in his throat, pushing his head further back into the pillow to expose more flesh to Fraser's clever lips. "Okay's a good word ... oh * god *" 

"Well I know I'm good, but you don't have to get religious on me," Fraser mis-quoted at Ray, making him laugh, even as his back arched off the bed. 

"Don't stop. Whatever the fuck it is you're doing, don't stop doing it!" he gasped. "Jesus!" 

Fraser smiled to himself as he nibbled his way down the line of Ray's sternum then under the ribcage, biting softly as he reached the delicate flesh of Ray's waist. 

He slid one hand down, feeling Ray's cock beginning to harden under his ministrations while at the same time he continued his exploration, down around Ray's hips and across his pelvis, then tracing back up the fine line of hair on the bruised stomach, finally circling each nipple in turn, making Ray writhe and groan under him. 

"Bastard!" he finally gasped out. "Lemme touch you, Frase. Lemme do you." 

"No," said Fraser, lifting his head. "This is for you. This is going to be good for you." 

"At least get up here," Ray muttered, pulling Fraser's hair until he could reach him to kiss him soundly. 

Fraser was keeping as much weight as he could off Ray's body, but Ray wasn't helping, shifting under him constantly, moaning his need, pushing Fraser to the very edge of his iron control. 

Ray felt exposed, as if every nerve end in his body was open to the air; he hadn't known it could be like this. His cock was harder than it had ever been and he could feel his orgasm building somewhere in his toes. He knew Fraser was holding himself back, but Ray didn't want that. He wanted to feel Fraser all over his body; wanted to know what he looked like as he came. 

Reaching to one side Ray pushed at Fraser's arm until it gave way. Fraser landed on top of Ray with an "Oof!" as all the air was knocked out of him. It hurt like crazy, having that heavy body land on top of all his bruises, but Ray was past caring. He wrapped his legs around Fraser's thighs, thrusting his cock into Fraser's hand, uncoordinated and graceless in his need. Grabbing Fraser's hair again he kissed him until they both had to surface for air. 

"Jesus, Fraser. Oh fuck, you're just the best. I fucking love you..." The rest of whatever Ray had been planning to say vanished into a wordless moan as he came so hard he actually thought he was going to black out. It was release and relief. It was freedom. 

Fraser stopped moving as Ray came, fascinated by the expressions playing over the other man's face. Ray's eyes were closed and his head was tilted back and Fraser thought he could see the blood rushing underneath that pale skin. He was almost unaware of his own orgasm; he was already lost somewhere with Ray. 

When Ray finally recovered, he opened his eyes to find Fraser staring at him, and he hesitantly reached up to push back the dark, sweat soaked hair. He didn't speak, he couldn't, and the two of them lay there tangled together, just looking at each other. 

Finally Fraser pushed himself away and went to the bathroom, coming back with a damp cloth. Ray was already heading for sleep, but he smiled fuzzily and let Fraser wipe him clean. By the time Fraser had returned the cloth to the bathroom and climbed back into bed Ray was out for the count, fast asleep. Fraser leaned over and kissed the other man's cheek, smiling as Ray mumbled something, sounding contented. Then he gathered Ray into his arms and closed his eyes. 

He woke up suddenly as Diefenbaker entered the room. 

The End 


End file.
